Welcome to Patch Notes V.666, your weekly system update straight from the depths of Hell
Every Friday, we wade through the carnage so you don’t have to—separating the world-ending riffs from the glitch-ridden duds, the blast-beat assaults from the uninspired filler. Whether it’s blackened, brutal, or bugged beyond repair, we’ll tell you what’s forged in fire and what deserves a permanent rage-quit. So equip your best armor, chug a stamina potion, and step into the pit with albums from Hate, Crematory, Misfire, and Paradise Slaves…
HATE – BELLVM REGIIS (METAL BLADE)
Hate flays flesh from bone on their thirteenth full-length album, Bellum Regiis. This Belephegor-meets-Behemoth-like take on blackened death metal is absolutely drenched in eerie atmospheres and grandiose lamentations to the grim. Summoned into existence at Stockholm’s Grondahl Studio by David Castillo (Carcass, Candlemass), the nine tracks on display fluctuate between catchy cacophony and nuclear-like decimation. ATF Sinner and his blackened horde mobilize some truly epic soundscapes rife with stunning solos, pensive acoustic passages, and stunningly vicious vocals. Bellum Regiis (‘War Of Kings’) is a brutal soundtrack that accompanies the centuries of scars and suffering humanity has inflicted upon itself. [8]
CREMATORY – DESTINATION (ROAR)
German metallers Crematory are at it once again with their seventeenth entry into the gothic/death/industrial space. Destination is an album that truly reflects its namesake. From the outset, you might not know where you are headed, but by the end of the album’s twelve tracks, the destination becomes clear: you’ve arrived at the pearly gates of gothic metal superiority. These guys have absolutely perfected the niche they literally carved. The amalgam of heavy guitar riffs, growled vocals, atmospheric keyboards, and electronic textures has never sounded better; like a chalice of freshly squeezed blood, the production is warm and fluid. Bonus points for the absolutely spot-on cover of Type O Negative‘s ‘My Girlfriend’s Girlfriend’. [8]
MISFIRE – PRODUCT OF THE ENVIRONMENT (MNRK HEAVY)
Formed in 2018, Illinois thrashers Misfire have overcome lineup changes and near collapse only to return stronger than ever with their ferocious second album, Product Of The Environment. Blending Bay Area-like melody and aggression, this four-piece powerhouse channels personal struggles into polished, riff-heavy anthems. Tracks like the aptly-titled ‘We Went Through Hell’ and ‘Artificially Intelligent’ reflect the band’s resilience, evolution, and raw defiance in the face of adversity. Vocalist Tim Jensen channels Mustaine-meets-Anselmo, while guitarist Konstadin Kostadinov shreds with both precision and flair. Bonus points for the guest appearance of Exodus frontman Rob Dukes. [7.5]
PARADISE SLAVES – WITH HELL IN HIS EYES (SPINEFARM)
Formed from chance connections and lifelong passion, the Boston-by-way-of-Anchorage quartet of Paradise Slaves fuse atmospheric heaviness with heartfelt grit on their debut, With Hell In His Eyes. Featuring members of 36 Crazyfists, Diecast, and Blitzkid, the band channels Soundgarden-style darkness with a hardcore edge. Tracks like ‘Dreamers’ and ‘Swim North’ balance melody, metal, and Sub-Pop like raw emotion, telling stories of struggle, gratitude, and refusing to surrender. Digging deep into the Alternative Rock archives, the guys pull out a crushing, contemporary-sounding cover of the classic Soul Asylum song ‘Somebody To Shove’. [7.5]
